NOT THE NEWSPAPER • BIG CONTENT ENERGY

Not the Newspaper — Volume 1, Edition 2 — January 25, 2026

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Volume 1, Edition 2 — January 25, 2026

FUN WITH WORDS

"Noodle on it"

Something they say at work I don't understand. Use it in a sentence: Emily legitimately did not understand why this stupid phrase existed at all and pondered what could be a better way to say "I will think on it before I commit to it" could be… other than the thing she just thought.

I will think on it before I commit to it.

Bonus fun with words: Fafigue: when what you got from AI was good enough for today's issue.

Image in original edition: "Eternal Hope" — selling-hope.jpg

ADVICE TO SELF

Delete distractions. Focus on your own mission.

FUN WITH BOOKS

What's a book you wish you never read?

Cormac MacArthy "The Road" Terrible, dark, dystopian. Extremely off-putting and pessimistic about humanity. I think every time I fill a bath tub I probably think about the opening of that book. It used classic tropes from thriller or horror stories by leaving the scariest parts to your own imagination. Overall, I wish I never read that book because there are enough stories out there that focus on the worst aspects of humanity and survivalism probably because we're all afraid of dying and the unknown. It also makes a lot of money to retell this story over and over again. I don't think there are enough positive, uplifting, or inspiring stories in popular literature. The balance is off.

Tonight I filled a bathtub in anticipation of the snow/ice storm and didn't think of him at all.

What's one book you'd take with you on a long trip where you're not going to have internet access for a very long time?

The Anthology of American Literature 10th Edition Volume 1. Has pieces from Thomas Jefferson to Emerson to Abraham Lincoln to Herman Melville. The pages are thin like the bible because there's so much in it. Also has someone's past notes in it from their reading, so it's like spying on what they thought about it.

What book did you get rid of that you wish you still had a physical copy of?

A Singular Man. Patrick Donleavy. Such a weirdo book with a disappointing and unfinished ending and obviously skipped an editor which I loved. I think it was supposed to be a slice of life style without the ending or maybe he got tired of writing and wanted to work on a different project. He never answers any of the questions in the story synopsis and doesn't comment on what anything means leaving it up to the reader.

Some of the best stuff to read is the unpolished writing. I like when authors release chapters online or separate from physical print books too. Like an early release or just something that's "bonus" content. Before anyone has had a chance to say that doesn't work or you need to do this or that. Raw output is just different. Sure, the final polished thing might be better in comparison, but in a lot of ways it could be worse, too.

BAD AT JOKES

Met a guy. He dug a shallow grave in my backyard. Because he didn't want to get that deep.

Funny (to me) because someone dug a shallow grave in my backyard a few weeks ago…

May I Have Your Attention Plez?

Image in original edition: locksmith.jpg

TOP OF MIND

When all hope is lost, what can bring you back?

I can't imagine having nothing to look forward to when there are so many amazing things happening in the world. Even on my darkest days, a fucking rocket ship launching into space brought me back. Even when I was so scared and couldn't connect or be around anyone… that is something that brought me back to this reality.

It is hard to be sad or indifferent when there is really cool stuff happening in the world.

My life is currently monotonous and difficult to break through to the next phase of growth for myself. I keep trying. Not because someone else is out there making the world a better place (that helps tho) but because I didn't sign up for a dull ride, and little reminders also uplift others.

This is the first day in many weeks I have not had to lie down in my bed to rest and recover throughout the day. I have been in chronic pain and extreme fatigue (fafigue if you read the AI ad later….) for some years now. The past two years have been extremely difficult. I have an "easy" job. I work from home, but often I don't have the energy to even be at my computer very long. The meetings are tedious. Every idea I have gets shot down. My experience is ignored and undervalued. I get busy work assignments. My ideas about what could be better are dismissed and ignored. I feel like I'm living in with an energy vampire. If those things were to exist that is. Bloodwork done. No known illnesses. Nothing wrong. Just extremely low energy when I used to be a very high energy person. I take vitamins. Lift weights. Eat fairly well. Limit alcohol usually.

In the past and ironically enough, an asshole commented to my now ex-husband, "Boy, your wife sure has a lot of energ," when he witnessed me getting up early after drinking heavily the night before to go for a run on the property. Fuck yeah I do, Dave. I am my own motherfucking captain.

Where does energy go? And who takes it without consent?

I used to love my job. In the beforetimes.

What I love more though, is having my full energy and strength.

I seriously have not been able to stay out of bed for a very long time until today. I didn't do anything differently last night. I didn't work extra hard at the gym or eat the right things or increase my water intake or take additional vitamins. I didn't watch the most motivational uplifting self help podcast. I didn't talk to the right people. I didn't pray extra hard today. I didn't do anything differently.

Nothing I did was different from the previous day or the day before that. Is he gone? Am I free now? I don't know.

I didn't have any more hope than usual today. But I have been putting in the work every day. With whatever energy I have, I at least try to get something done.

It doesn't have to be much, but it does have to be enough to make the list of "What did I get done today?" That is my own personal learning of perseverance. Just small steps. At least something is better than nothing.

At least I keep trying.

I don't take no for an answer when I've already paid for it.

And after a few years of trying to get my registered domain back from Google and Squarespace, I finally got it. I don't understand why they gave me such a difficult time about it. I had financial proof I bought it. I showed them. They didn't care.

I had planned to do something as a side quest at work or something personal with it. I don't know. They did take five years off the life of it though. Will I be compensated for that? No. Do I care? Yes. It's five years they owe me.

I bought it for ten years because I wanted to ensure the idea had enough time and that it'd be there when I finally could give it attention. And now I have a newspaper journal of my own to write or publish whatever I want.

My personal journal and journey overall has been a little dark. I don't want this writing to be dark, but I'm not going to shy away from the truth either. You can polish a turd into a nugget of gold if given enough time. Sometimes hard lessons teach you the most. It's a shame though, when the teacher doesn't know you already learned those lessons a long time ago.

Looks can be deceiving. Especially when you only know someone from what they say or post online. And then you try to meet them in person thinking you know anything about them. That is not wise.

What I've learned in the past few years that I think will serve myself and also others to be reminded of:

What is permanence to humans? What is it to eternal consciousness? Very different answers.

If you say you believe in God or a creator, and discount the written word as "not immortal" if it is not etched in stone, then what do you really know? Nothing. I don't think that's how it works at all.

If someone read the very few things I posted online and imagined that they were the entire substance of my being, that would be a disservice in getting to know me in a real environment. While they contain good tidbits, they are just bits.

If I were an intelligent creator, every thought, every act, every bit would be recorded without input or action from the being. So on my part (or yours)…. to write, or to record would really be an exercise in futility and entirely for vanity or to share with other entities in real time. No need to carve things in stone unless you want to talk to people two thousand years from now. I can't imagine what advice you could give them that they would not already know. Or that the lessons from history would be any different pattern than what they've already been. Could they be? Possibly.

SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

Image in original edition: "Eye see" — eye.png

WORKOUT & HEALTH

Isolate Variables for Evidence-Based Diet! Food Journal

I started a notebook/paper food journal to see what irritates me and does not. It's been helpful for figuring out what I can eat or drink that doesn't piss my body and skin off. If I skip a few days, I usually just put in a general entry instead of a full log. Trying not to skip, but there's a lot to do and a lot on my mind. The world is unpredictable and going to the gym and eating good food are small things that feel good to put a routine to. I like my routine and schedule.

Winter is Hard! Energy Levels

This week I only hit the gym twice. It's bitterly cold and my energy levels have been very weak. Can't get out of bed a lot weak. I know it'll pass because I've gone through a similar period like this before in 2024. I'd guess around the same months likely. January and February are always difficult. I usually hit the tanning beds for a good dose of D. It does put me in a good mood. I am dreaming about baking in the summer sun, even though it's about to snow and ice.

Carpool every week is draining my energy and making me physically ill. I have a stiff neck and a lot of pain after 30 minutes of driving. The drive there is always fine. I sit and wait for thirty minutes, inhaling car fumes and sitting in a car without air conditioning. Then I get a migraine, stiff neck, and have to drive another 30 minutes home before I can rest and feel better. Usually takes me 10-15 minutes to recover, but I have to lay down and rest. I'm drinking plenty of water. I'm eating sufficient calories. Carpool makes me physically ill, every day. Without fail. There's not much I can do besides buy a new car. There are no buses and I am a single parent.

Routine Silences Negative Thoughts! Mental Fortitude and Workout/Diet Attitude

I really enjoy the email newsletter I've been reading from Arnold. Good post on "all or nothing" mindset recently. You don't have to be perfect. Just because you cheated on your diet or didn't hit the gym as much as you planned to doesn't mean you can't do it the next day or the next week. In fact, it's probably my body telling me to take a deload week, which I had planned on doing anyway.

I wasn't sure how many weeks I could hit volume training 4x a week, but I think I went at least 6 weeks. This last week and the week before I did at least three workouts where I didn't hit 10 sets and opted for 5 instead.

On getting TO the gym - the most important part. It's half the battle just to go. Once you're there, might as well put in the work.

Make Your Own Workout Playlists!

Helpful for the gym: High-energy playlists only. Noticed on streaming platforms people make workout mixes that are terrible. I need to start making my own. I can't believe they don't have filters for "vibe" for music sorting.

How many times have you put on a playlist that's called something dumb like "High Energy Workout Mix" and then there's a bunch of break-up songs or sad songs. High energy music should make you hit a PR and say FUCK YEAH after your workout, not distract you with the music selection while you're working out. Guess that irritates me that we live in the future but all the systems are poorly designed when it comes to search and filtering. I get very impatient. It's not organized in a way that makes any goddamned sense. It looks like it does, but it could be SO MUCH BETTER!

Image in original edition: "Keep Learning" — selling-curiousity.jpg

AFFIRMATION OF THE WEEK

"Just keep going"

I moved into a new rental house in the country on a horse farm. Underneath the kitchen sink was a Finding Nemo towel.

WORDS, WORDS, WORDS

Image in original edition: "Jim Harrison" — no.png

Barking

The moon comes up. The moon goes down. This is to inform you that I didn't die young. Age swept past me but I caught up. Spring has begun here and each day brings new birds up from Mexico. Yesterday I got a call from the outside world but I said no in thunder. I was a dog on a short chain and now there's no chain.

Jim Harrison's poetry book called "Saving Daylight" is a random book I picked up. I can't remember where or when or even where I heard of him. This poem "barking" is not in it. THIS Book - It's got some good words on appreciating nature, appreciating solitude, and finding peace in nature. The poems are usually fairly short, narrative style. He kind of looks like a guy you'd find working in the mountains at an art school or writer's retreat. Old soul, kind of a hippie.

His book is still in my collection, which means I'm either not done with it, want it for reference, or it's a keeper.

I have moved so often in my life, hauling physical books with me when I'm not going to use them anymore seems dumb. They weigh a lot, and I don't need to keep stuff that is no longer of use to me. I think I have under 40 books on hand currently.

Image in original edition: "Copy For Hire" — hire-me.png